the sara ochs blog

If I could go back to the first months after having babies there are a few things I would change. I would be more willing to accept help from friends and family. I would not try to do it all in order to prove to myself that I could. I would let my Moms do the laundry she offered to fold and put away. I would let the friend that offered to hold my screaming baby while I got my hair cut hold the SCREAMING BABY. I would let other friends who offered to help with housework see the gross bathrooms and do something about it. I put too much pressure on myself to have things seem perfect and in control and I know now that is not always possible. In fact it is rarely possible at all. Who cares if your best friend sees your fridge look a hot mess. Chances are that if she knows your baby wakes up a hundred times a night that fridge maintenance does not even occupy a smidgen of your brain. Anyway. I guess this is for the one thousand women I know right now that are about to be mommies for the first time. Or second or third time or whatever. All those mommies that have on makeup and clean clothes and seem to have it all together might not. But even if they do it does not matter.  If a friend or family member offers to help it is not because they think that you can’t do it or because they think you are inadequate. They offer because they know how hard it is to birth a baby from your body and then have some degree of normalcy when a teeny tiny dictator takes over your house and body and brain. Practice saying “yes” and “thank you” and I promise no one thinks you are a horrible mother or person. They just want to help. And seriously take the help while it is offered. When your babies grow up no ever offers to clean the bathroom anymore.