the sara ochs blog

Our dogs are totally useless as guard dogs. I mean totally worthless. Maggie and Mollie dearest will bark at the wind, squirrels jumping (typed “humping” in the first attempt-thank goodness THAT is not happening) from branch to branch, the mail person, and even respond to other dog barks. Earlier this week Mollie flipped out about some clothes on hangers that she saw on the doorknob of the linen closet at the end of our hall. (that seems so confusing but I cannot for the life of me think of a better or more concise way to word that jewel of a sentence)

The point is that our dogs will bark at anything except what could be considered an actual intruder or abnormal situation. Take for example the pest control man that came for an unscheduled termite inspection on Monday. The dogs were outside. I was inside. Mister termite drove up our street, pulled into our driveway, rang our broken doorbell, knocked on the door, peeked in our windows to see if anyone was in fact home, and walked the perimeter of our property without a single bark from the dogs. In fact, their tails were wagging so vigorously that I thought the dogs would fall flat on the ground. Worthless.

I do realize that labs are not technically considered guard dogs per se, but I would appreciate the occasional “a stranger is peeking in the window” bark. I do also realize that I have apparently become the type of person that will write an entire post about dogs. The next step in becoming the star of my own Hallmark channel “movie” because of my personification of pets would be buying them matching outfits and treating them like human children. But stop me before that happens. Please.