May 2011
7 posts
questions
Why do I want to get a tattoo for my thirtieth birthday?
Am I the only person that does sock-shoe-sock-shoe? Does everyone else do sock-sock-shoe-shoe?
Why does making the beds soothe me so very much?
Why can’t Grassroots Coffee open a shop in my backyard?
Why do chickens smell so gross?
Why does our neighbor let her nine year old daughter drive a car?
Why does 35 minutes on an...
Watchthird official day of summer and this is what we have become
out of the mouths of babes
Last night the babies and I read about Lot and Sodom (a version that was child appropriate) and Anderson had a few questions. We talked about evil and sin and hearts that reject God. We also discussed that people that have asked Jesus to live in their hearts can still make bad choices and have bad attitudes, the difference being that those people can ask for forgiveness. I gave a few examples of...
bath house
So our old house had two bathrooms. One had a tub and shower combo and the master bathroom had an itty bitty shower stall and a linen closet. I guess having a closet in the bathroom was supposed to make you forget that the easiest way to get clean would be to soap the walls of the shower stall and lean against them. It was that small.
It was small but it worked for us. I started not to mind that...
lapse in communication
You know that thing where the wife is waiting to start dinner until the husband is finished building a chicken coop? And the husband KNOWS that the chicken coop cannot be built in one day but decides to keep working until the wife calls him in for dinner? That happened.
And also the meal was one that was somewhat labor intensive and compounded by the fact that the wife had started an alternate...
working on my fitness
I hate the exercise. I really do. You know those people that love working out and cannot get enough of being super fit and go on and on about how awesome exercise endorphins are? Yeah. That is not me. Never has been and never will be. Now don’t get me wrong. I do not want to be overweight or lazy, but honestly, I do just enough of the exercise to get by and I am fine with that.
I have...
this is gross...do not read this
Last night was horrible enough to make a grown woman cry. Like another random grown woman, because really it takes very little to make me cry so I cannot be a barometer for tears.
Want details? Great because I would love to share. It all started with vomit…all good stories do. Last night after dinner we let the babies have some outside playtime. Not usually our routine, but with such perfect...
April 2011
12 posts
Cairo conversations
Just got the greatest compliment ever. As I was checking out at the walmarts the cashier said “you be looking like you get lots of groceries, but it don’t cost THAT much.” That would be because I am a smart shopper. (pats own back and takes a small bow)
bedtime conversations
Me: Goodnight, Caroline. I love you.
Caroline: I love you more. I love you more than...God.
Me: Oh, Lala. You have to love God even more than you love Mama and Daddy. He is so important. More important than me. And He loves you even more than I love you.
Caroline: So if God was on one side of a street and a mama was on the other side and a child had to try to run to one of them who would that child run to?
Me: Well, God does not have a body so He cannot stand on the side of a street.
Caroline: What! God does not have a body!
Me: Not like ours. Jesus had a body that looked like ours, but then we went to heaven.
Caroline: Do we get bodies in heaven?
Me: We will have bodies, but they will look different than the kind we have now.
Caroline: Oh, right. Cause when you get dead to go to heaven your body gets kind of brownish.
Me: Goodnight, Lala.
she loves me
Each night we tuck our babies into their beds, and each night they pop back out like little prairie dogs. It is inevitable. It is unavoidable. I know that Super Nanny 911 would argue that it can be stopped, but I am not her and she is not me (and we is not thee - somebody stop me).
The reasons vary with each child. Caroline always has to go potty. Even though she has gone to the bathroom...
garage sales
I have made hundreds of dollars in profit from having garage sales over the past several years. Hundreds of dollars. You can imagine that we have gone through innumerable baby and toddler toys, mountains of outgrown clothes, and literal tons of household items. That was my previous experience with garage sales. But yesterday changed all that. Yesterday I WENT to garage sales and discovered a...
spanish-oh
Caroline: "Hermano" is NOT a word!
Me: Yes it is...it means "brother" in Spanish.
Anderson: Caroline! Mama knows! She went to high school AND college! And she learned that Spanish talk.
Caroline: Oh.
Anderson: AND Grammy knows how to count to ten in Spanish and Japan!
I have a diagnosis
The mister has often told me that I am slow when it comes to completing some tasks. I admit that it is true. I would not consider myself a slow poke, necessarily, but if certain chores were a race, then the mister would win eighty percent of the time. And who could deal with that. I would have to buy him trophies and my hands would hurt from all the clapping for him. Too much.
I think I have...
how the mighty have fallen
You accidentally pass gas ONCE in the car and suddenly you are the “worst mama in the world.” Just two nights ago I was told I was the best mama ever for giving the babies grapes as dessert. Look at me now. The worst and grossest mama alive in the world. It’s true what they say, the fall from the top is the hardest.
hair
My hair is inexplicably big and undeniably awesome right now. Sadly, it will be wasted because it is now bedtime. Why does great hair happen when it is least appreciated?
while uh-bentures (wild adventures)
Yesterday we took the crew to the redneck Mecca of Wild Adventures and what an adventure it was. The mister found an all inclusive (as it were) package that provided admission, a meal from select “restaurants” inside the park, and arm bands for UNLIMITED DRINKS. The drinks had me at hello. I love drinks. I love fountain beverages and having the ability to go to any kiosk or restaurant...
fail
Remember that time I said that I had become a dumpster diver and that I had given a door a new lease on life? You should. It was on Tuesday. Well, I had grand plans of creating an architectural design element slash kick trash photo frame for our sunroom. I wanted to sand it to remove the old paint. I (and by “I” I of course mean the mister) wanted to hang it horizontally so that the...
March 2011
4 posts
I am becoming my parents
When I was younger I often wondered why my parents did certain things. Usually because it offended my sense of order and gave me an OCD flare up. Examples will be provided and explained.
Example one: I used to love to watch my mama put on her makeup. It all seemed so magical and I wondered how she could remember what order to put the products on and if she ever forgot what the pencil thing was...
invisible
So Sullivan has two imaginary friends. He is the first of our babies to have imaginary slash invisible friends. I, myself, remember having an imaginary Cocker Spaniel puppy named Muffin when I was little. I wanted a dog more than anything, but our apartment living prohibited pets. It is funny now because I am not an animal lover, so much.
We first met “Joanie” last Friday. Sullivan...
it all happened at three in tha mornin'
Caroline: Mama!
Me: Mmmmmmm. Hmmm. (snore) What baby?
Caroline: Um. I just want to give you a hug and a kiss.
(we hug and kiss while I lay nearly comatose in my bed)
Me: Go back to bed, Lala.
Caroline: Oh! I have to go potty!
(she goes potty then stands in the hallway and YELLS that she is done)
Caroline: Come tuck me in!
(so many exclamation marks for a conversation that occurred in the middle of the night. not sure where she gets her flair for drama.)
I call it bad will
Yesterday I had a rare morning alone. Anderson and Caroline were at school and Sullivan was with Nana. I hardly knew what to do with myself. I think I might be lame. The mister and I planned a lunch date but that left me with about three hours to kill. I forced myself to leave the house and not squander the time with housework and chores. That would have definitely made me super lame.
My first...
February 2011
10 posts
all around town
I finally went on a preschool field trip with sweet Caroline. It was long and exciting and exhausting and I left with a new appreciation for teachers that do not require prescription drugs. The preschool classes have all been studying their city and neighborhoods and the services and products available in those areas. Pretty heavy stuff for a four and five year old crowd. The destinations for this...
from one good mom to another
Yesterday was not my best day. As we were loading the childrens into the van to leave for church I had a total meltdown. Like crying, screaming, stomping my feet, and slamming doors kind of meltdown. Yeah. It was horrible and I am embarrassed by the memory of my reaction. What prompted my reaction slash meltdown you might ask. Half a bagel and six blueberries were dropped on the ground....
little men
Last night I had an at-home date with my two little misters. Marshall took Caroline out for a daddy and daughter date and the boys and I had the house to ourselves. We cranked up the hip hop music that the mister hates. We practice our sweet ninja moves. We ate Bagel Bites and blueberries and peanut butter crackers and M&Ms for dinner. We made chocolate chip cookies that look and taste strange...
yea! another post about dogs!
So the neighbors behind us train hunting dogs. Apparently it is a lucrative business because they live in a mansion on an actual plantation. Who knew. So back to the dogs.
Each spring a new “batch” of dogs is carted to the area of their plantation that is closest to our property. The dogs are driven in on an animal control type kennel trailer pulled by a pickup. It seems to take...
the ivy of poison
Anderson has slash contracted poison ivy. It really was not a surprise. Not really. We have lived in the woods for just over a year and we have thus far (how fancy I must be feeling tonight) avoided the itch and scratch of poison ivy. I remember my dad teaching me a little jingle that went “leaves of three beware of thee” as a way to identify and thus (again with the fancy!) avoid the...
Watchmy boss is a maniac and here is the proof
dear diary
Dear Diary,
I did it again. I got frustrated at the babies and at life. And then I got more frustrated for being frustrated. Maybe it was because I did not eat enough. Maybe it was because I was so tired I thought I was going to die. Maybe it was because my outfit made me feel like Ellen Degeneres.
Now that the babies are in bed I regret some of my reactions and attitudes. But tomorrow is a...
Cairo chronicles...some observations
There is a surprising amount of bamboo grown in Grady County. No panda sightings though. Wait. I can never remember if it is pandas or koalas that eat bamboo. Whatever.
I pass two cemeteries on the way to the school. I always wonder if there are more dead residents of Cairo than alive residents. Then I start to kinda sing that “something something dead or alive” song by Bon Jovi.
...
if I could turn back time (sung in a Celine Dion...
If I could go back to the first months after having babies there are a few things I would change. I would be more willing to accept help from friends and family. I would not try to do it all in order to prove to myself that I could. I would let my Moms do the laundry she offered to fold and put away. I would let the friend that offered to hold my screaming baby while I got my hair cut hold the...
I have become THAT person
Our dogs are totally useless as guard dogs. I mean totally worthless. Maggie and Mollie dearest will bark at the wind, squirrels jumping (typed “humping” in the first attempt-thank goodness THAT is not happening) from branch to branch, the mail person, and even respond to other dog barks. Earlier this week Mollie flipped out about some clothes on hangers that she saw on the doorknob of...
January 2011
13 posts
Cairo chronicles
Overheard in the Dollar Tree of Cairo: “re-in-stock-ments”
Used in a sentence: “When you get a reinstockments can I brung this back? This here is too big. When are your reinstockments?”
Definition: To restock an item that is currently sold out.
business meetings
Apparently my childrens think we are competing for a family synchronized pottying award. Without fail, as soon the parent on duty excuses him or herself for a quick “business meeting” a child will start screaming that they have to go pee! poop! right now! Despite begging the child to go to the other bathroom or to wait for even a second, the screaming continues. Without fail. It seems...
zoot suits
I have long been a fan of footed pajamas for babies and toddlers. I think I have a fear that my sweet babies will somehow get frostbite and become human popsicles in their sleep. Even though we live in the deep South and have central heating and the temperature in our house has never ever gotten below 65 degrees. But an irrational fear does not have to make sense.
Sullivan is the last of the...
about deodorant and life
So I admit that I am a sweater. Not a winter article of clothing, but a person that sweats. Not very ladylike I know, but the truth nonetheless. Deodorant is an important part of my life. Some “flavors” (scents, if you prefer) make the sweat grosser than others. I try my very very hardest NOT to get the flavor that makes the stinkiest stink. But can you guess what usually happens? I...
just like old times
Today I spent the morning and part of the afternoon with an old friend. I don’t say old because she is approaching 31 to my youthful 29, but because we have been mommy friends for the last seven years. Melissa Coogle has been called many names by my babies: Mah-wiffah, Miss Lissa, and Mah-cheetah. I think the last is my personal favorite.
We have compared pregnancy weight gains, number of...
at the lie-berry
After I picked the “big” childrens up from school this afternoon we went to the library in Cairo. The Roddenberry Memorial Library, if you please. I know what you might be thinking and I assure you that I probably thought the same thing. Something along the lines of “Cairo has a library? Is it only picture books? Do you even have to use a library card or does the mud on your...
a penny saved
Yesterday I was out with my moms for some girl time. After pedicures and lunch and some shopping we were in need of some caffeinated refreshment. Because we were already at the Target, Starbucks coffee was the obvious choice. Obviously. I think I have expressed my general dislike of Starbucks (overpriced and usually gross) already, but our choices were limited and my moms is a fan of the cinnamon...
how to stay safe in an unsafe world...or the Cairo...
Walk fast and with purpose
Stand up straight for added height and to increase your intimidation factor
Stop at the vending machine for a Diet Coke (drinking Diet Coke before 9:00am shows how no nonsense you are)
Look crazier in the eyes than the people around you…but only slightly crazier (remember you are IN the world if Cairo but not OF it)
practice ninja moves in the produce section
...
I come to you with a contrite heart
Before I even got married or had babies I was expert. I thought I knew what was what. I remember being in the nursery of my old church and being totally flabbergasted to find out that some of the mothers I knew DID NOT BATHE THEIR CHILDREN EVERY SINGLE DAY. I was shocked. I was appalled. How could you not bathe children every day? It could’t take THAT long or be THAT much trouble. I think I...
the fanciest plumber in the south
So I just met the fanciest plumber ever. I am not exaggerating even the tiniest bit. I mean it. We have been having some trouble with our well lately, and I know that sounds like such a redneck problem, but its not like I said we were having trouble with our SEPTIC TANK. In its defense, it is a fancy well. No hand pump or long well shaft for small children to fall into. No pulley and wooden...
he is turning into a man
Anderson lost his first tooth last night. I cried a few tears. He now has a lithp (could not resist). That is all.
it started out with comments on a show and turned...
One of my new favorite things is to watch “My Fair Wedding with David Tutera” with little Miss Caroline. She adores all things wedding, and sparkle, and fabulous and David Tutera is just the man for the job. She does seem confused when we skip through the commercials…she asks if it the same girl or a different girl. Every time. She also seems to think that the host is the groom....
“When you go pee pee on toilet water it makes a sparkling sound.”
– Caroline
thoughts on bowling
So does it seem weird to anyone else that bowling is so popular among the older generation? I just cannot wrap my head around it. You have to hold a heavy ball with just three fingers, wear shoes that are slippery on the bottom, and maintain your balance in a crouched position on a waxed floor. Add to that that beer is almost always available in the bowling alleys and the judgement of at least...
“I had a good nap. The window was open and the curtain was blowing and moving...”
– Anderson
December 2010
19 posts
letters to the neighbors
To neighbor number one,
Sir, you live on an actual plantation. With more acres than I could count. Why must you train hunting dogs just a hundred yards from our property line? Why must you blow that ear piercing whistle millions of times a day? Why?
Sara
To neighbor number two,
You own almost eight acres. That is a lot. What made you decide to build a “shed” bigger than our home...
